UAP Disclosure Post Script

personal essay about my ufo experiences

There is an interesting split between socialism and the west when it comes to first-contact sci fi. Socialist first contact was very ambiguous. A lot of cosmonauts floating around in space finding nothing but halls of psychological mirrors. In the West the alien other was coming to destroy us or save us. Destroy us most of the time.

The key distinction disclosed was dystopia versus anti-utopia. In the western scifi there was always a cornucopia of colonial adventures. In Soviet science fiction alienation as an end result of a social death upon departure. Jill Scott Heron’s poem Whitey’s on the Moon says it better than I ever could. We still have to deal with contact. Whether it is going to happen or it already did happen doesn’t change the paramount importance. That does not mean sounding the alarm because I suspect they have been here for a while.

I published an article on my website www.soldiersforthecause.org detailing an encounter that my USN ship had during work-ups in 2004 with an orb for the entirety of my watch. I wrote about it far after the event but I never stopped talking about it or thinking about it. After reflecting on it for 15 years or so, my conclusion was that the experience was an indicator that we don’t understand the nature of reality. As a result I was contacted by David Beaty from the youtube channel Nimitz Encounters and he made some short documentaries illustrating Derrick Smith, Patrick Gokey, and my details of the encounters. I also accompanied Dave on an episode of Fade to Black.

Around 2015 I had another UAP experience with a friend of mine while walking his dogs at around 1 am. The impression I got from my second experience in Clawson, Michigan where I saw around 30 UAPs was that They were engaging in some sort of janitorial function. That they weren’t moving themselves, that they were moving the space around them. I was intoxicated by the experience and I was compelled to research the yet unproven science of pheromones in humans after the event. I was at a loss explain why the experience had me feeling some kind of way on the Reagan.

There is no reason to go to aliens to explain this phenomenon. I can attest to an otherworldly feeling while observing the way the phenomenon is moving. In Stanislaw Lem’s book Solaris first contact is a pantomime with a giant baby. Bare with me here, it’s a symbol for the future but I am not sure Lem didn’t have his own experiences because like the baby, by the way it moves, we can tell that it’s not authentic. That is what I hear over and over from experiencers. ‘I know I have not seen that before or since.’

Both times I experienced the phenomenon I felt intoxicated in different ways. So is this a photo chemical response or is there some other delivery system crossing the blood brain barrier to give the effect. I have often mused whether we’re dealing with something in joint venture with the microscopic. The same way, you don’t need aliens to explain this phenomenon. You also don’t need pheromones to explain and intoxication at the otherworldly. The lacuna of chemical communication in humans has always puzzled me.

Even if we find an artifact that does not give us context. Understanding how and why these things affect us might give us a bridge into what we are dealing with. Phenomenology was not meant to replace the scientific method but what if there is some blindspot in our science can we use phenomenology to isolate it.

I believe that the experience of seeing a UAP dubiously intoxicates the observer where it should terrorize to scatter. That is at least what I felt both times I experienced the phenomena. As far as I know, you can’t become inebriated just by looking at something there has to be a delivery system. This would also explain the surreal nature of these experiences when I see observers elated.

The reader might scoff at my allusion to fiction but what if we are dealing with something beyond fact and fiction. In Roadside Picnic by the Strugatsky Brothers contact is portrayed as insects crawling through a higher species picnic trash. Stephen King’s Tommyknockers makes invention from subsequent contact into a horrific landscape of useless torture devices that madden the experiencers. Both books are part of a classical dialectic about our ideas and where they come from. Before the renaissance people thought their ideas came from gods or muses.

Holding clearance didn’t make me a spook but it did show me the mundane kinds of things that the Department of Defense classifies compulsively. What I learned about intelligence came later when my inactive service had ended and began to get involved with activism. Occupy Wall Street was much different on the street than the media reported it. It was as if there was more than one reality.

There has been nothing interesting in any of the government acknowledgements that I can see. The timing of the disclosure is probably the most telling item. But the same government that brought you the Warren Commision Report and 9/11 Commission Report is not going to give those looking for answers any. We might be dealing with some force that can just mold reality to its own desires if it has any. My prediction is that the public will lose and gain interest in UAPs many times before we know what we are dealing with. When asked the question whether “they” are “real” I answer with what if “we” are not “real.

I didn’t know this at the time but puking my guts out and losing 40 lbs had also changed my perception too. The world seemed more magical suddenly and when I got Covid-19 and I had a lot of time to think in bed I mused about how viruses can act as a kind of augmented reality. When I saw the 30 UAPs over Clawson, MI I was trying to communicate with them with my mind but the only thing I could think to ask is to be healed. My diagnosis of multiple sclerosis was dominating my mind. After 20 days battling Delta I felt better than I had in years, ironically.

We don’t even know if we are dealing with individuals or communities. Our worldviews are a filter through which we project solutions to made up problems. An in the moment analysis is going to produce a hallucination at best but the past turns out to be more dynamic than the present and future. After seeing UAPs in Clawson, MI I returned to the swamp gas incident and all the rural poor that were ridiculed for coming forward. When I cam home typing the terms MI UFO I saw lots of videos resembling the same things I saw.

To those that wait with glee for some sort of government disclosure I have to retort that it’s obvious that they are not interested or impressed with our government. The government doesn’t release information ideologically; it serves the power of its own maintenance. That is assuming that the government knows anything at all. As a strategic reality admission of ignorance is not good optics for a government.

Where encounters happen can be a clue as to why they happen. UAPs observed by soldiers and sailors are unique because they offer opportunities for observers (who are not relatives) to observe observers while confirming that there is something to observe. Most people go through the military without seeing anything or burying what they’ve seen deep so I would not recommend joining martial forces to have an experience. Before all this happened I always had a deal with my exes: if aliens land and offer me a ride I am going to see the universe. Now I think I’ll stay here: when you're dealing with something beyond fact and fiction it makes the universe much larger than we could have ever imagined. My anchor, that is, my nervous system tethers me here for a while and the only real way to not float away into the vastness of the universe is equanimity.

If you want to have an experience, don't wait for the government to give you high resolution images which won’t make you feel anything. Try being interesting. I suspect we are being watched, don't you: the question has always been by who. I think our governments are all far too incompetent to be monitoring us. They see crime after it happens. I will never play part and parcel in helping the military industrial complex acquire new technology that will defy the laws of physics. Every first contact nineties movie has the government playing the villain.

My come-to-jesus-moment came in 2009 when I was playing tournament poker with my father in Atlantic City. I watched a straight flush lose to a higher straight flush. For those not in the know the odds of this hand playing out is 2.7 billion to one. The astronomical chances were so uncanny that I started to write a philosophy experiment about this encounter with probability. I called up a childhood friend of mine who was working for google after dropping out of his PHD program. I asked him how I could differentiate between the probability I experienced at a physical poker table and the probability I felt playing poker online. He told me that randomness is just a concept like infinity that we use to solve equations and then he told me the history of randomness generators.

Randomness is crucial to many enterprises outside of poker sites but we cannot prove randomness exists. My philosophy experiment includes the artifact of the poker table, the exotically improbable hand, 9 poker players, and invisible aliens that land to witness the event. I needed an outside observer to witness what I had witnessed in Atlantic City – what I was sure was some sort of holy grail of mathematics. You almost have to become the invisible alien to see how special it is. Anyway I don’t have the answer, I can only pose the question. The aliens in my experiment are not the kind that operate UAPs but the kind that draw upon otherness.

Jacque Vallee points out that those who have one UAP experience are more likely to have more. In the novel RoadSide Picnic when stalkers visit a contact zone to gather artifacts that they can sell – where the laws of physics seem to be bent – stalkers have their probability matrices changed. That is, random events would happen to them – to places they immigrate to. Randomness is still a mystery, it is not the presence of data that will solve this mystery, it is the absence of data.

In the fiction I wrote about my experience with USS Ronald Reagan UAP available here with subscription I use the autofiction style combining a shipmate’s dream in poetic form at the end – constellations of my phenomenology. My own worldview is that reality is stranger than fiction – that we are somehow left only with mythology. Salman Rushdie famously said that memories had to pickle before we can write about them. I guess when this memory became sufficiently fermented it was far more profoundly mystical and foundational than visitors from somewhere else.